"A Fan's Guide To Good Netiquette," or "Discretion Is The Better Part Of Posting" (3/6/11)

The internet allows us all unprecedented opportunities to engage in discussion with people of similar interests, creating online communities that can be wonderful mediums for fostering lively debate and conversation on the things that we are passionate about. It's also the perfect place to indulge in ugly, indecent, and sometimes inexcusable behavior.

We've all seen it. Some of us have engaged in it. And while for some the opportunity to act in a prickish manner and get away with it is the main attraction of comments sections and message boards, for the rest of us this behavior is an unpleasant distraction and a detriment to our enjoyment of the electronic playground our wireless connections allow us to access.

So, in the spirit of "fun for all, and all for fun," I humbly present this netizen's guide to proper internet decorum:

A Fan's Guide to Good Netiquette

1) If you don't have anything to add, then please don't. Sometimes you will come across a topic of discussion that you have no interest in. When that happens, it's probably best for all if you continue the trend and not take an interest in the conversations about it.  If you know nothing about how to make calamari cupcakes, have not read Martha Stewart's latest article on how to do so, and have no interest in changing either of those facts, then why bother jumping into a discussion of these things simply to say, "I know nothing about this, and I couldn't be bothered to read about it!" The people who do care are trying to have a conversation; why waste your time and theirs? They probably care as little about you not caring as you do about their discussion.

2) If you don't have anything nice to say, at least try not to be a dick about it. Let's say that you do in fact know how to make calamari cupcakes, but you took one look at the Martha Stewart recipe and couldn't help but laugh at it's preposterous notions on their proper preparation. Or maybe you have a violent, even religious hatred of said seafood flavored dessert snacks, and you feel the need to let those misguided lovers of this culinary catastrophe know just how strongly you feel. If you find yourself in this situation, please feel free to state your case. However, it's probably best if you avoid statements like, "stoopid n00bs, if u liek that shit than yourea commie omg lol jk," or even, "in my experience, anyone who has ever consumed a calamari cupcake is more likely than the average human being to frequently engage in rampant pedophilia." And even if it's true, hijacking the discussion to remind everyone seventeen times that the first baker on record as having sold calamari cupcakes was a Nazi is still bad form; he was a Nazi, not the food he sold (unless the items in question were decorated with swastikas). Stick to the food on the plate, not the people at the table.

3) If you can't stand the heat, then stop lighting matches. Always remember, when you post something online you are sharing it with the world. That means you can likely expect some sort of feedback. And chances are that some of that feedback will be negative. Not only is there nothing you can do about it, there's also no reasonable excuse for being offended by it when it happens. You can rightly be bothered by those critical responses that are presented in a genuinely insulting manner (for reference on what this behavior might look like, please consult rules 1 and 2 from this list). But that's all you have a right to be bothered by. If you're not ready to handle even considered and well-written criticism, or don't feel that you should even have to glance upon an opinion different from the one you felt so sure you had to share, then what the hell are you doing putting it in a public space?

4) Fighting fire with fire is an incredibly counterproductive firefighting technique. Whoever first said, "If you can't beat them, join them" lived in a world that was blissfully unaware of the concept of the internet troll. These obnoxious and destructive pests have a frightening power that is often overlooked: too much exposure to them can transform a person into one of their kind. Their antics are designed to draw your attention and ire, but this is only part of their horror. Because they are immune to and unable to process human concepts such as logic, decency, and self-control, the use of such faculties against a troll is doomed to failure. But because they are so damned annoying that you can't possibly walk away and let the bastards win, you find yourself using their own tactics against them. Once this occurs, the battle is already over. There is nothing left to win and the only ones participating are losers. If someone insists on acting like an idiot and refuses to listen to any and all suggestions on how they can better themselves for the good of the world, then it's time to let them go. You can't save them all, try as you might. In the end, you're just hurting yourself.